Do you feel what I did is wrong?

I am a 46 year old black father raising his 17 year old son. Upon him turning the age of 13, his mother & I agreed that we would extend him a little more freedom & responsibility as well as resorting to the new age parenting methods of time outs, taking away things & grounding. But a recent situation made me re-think the new age parenting methods. October, 2006--our son (then 16 years old) went to a rap concert without our permission & I allowed his mother to handle his punishment. (LOL)She fussed at him for about an hour and gave him time out as well as grounded him. In addition--she took away his Nintendo Wii, PS3, IPOD & our car keys from him. Now--that punishment lasted for about two or three days! ! ! A few weeks later, he came in late on a school night & she handled him the same way--letting him off punishment in a couple of days. Incident behind incident, she handled the same way but that came to a abrupt end about a month ago . On Sunday, July 29, 2007--following church--our son decided to celebrate his 17th birthday with friends & that he did by hopping a ride with his boys & go to a rap concert in TEXAS--of course without our permission AGAIN! I guess he thought since he had turned 17, he no longer needed our permission any longer but this time, when he arrived home (a day later), I was waiting for him! ! ! When he got in, I immediately marched him to his room, took my belt off & wore him out!!! Now, I hadn’t whipped my son since he was age 11 or 12 & was reluctant in the beginning. I guess because he got a little size (height & muscle) on him he thought that he could harden-up & tough the whipping out BUT when I really started heating him up, he began to cry loudly. That is when I knew that the belt was still effective on him & ceased the whipping. Allowing him time to cry, I exited his room only to return later & explain to him why I did what I did. You see our motto is if our son does something wrong a first time, his mom will reprimand, warn & even punish him but if he repeat the same wrongdoing, that is where I step in!!! But the consequences of my actions in trying to raise a respectable, obedient & mature young man almost cost me my place here in society!!! You see, they day following the whipping, the police arrived at my construction jobsite & arrested me on child abuse charges!!!!!! DID MY WIFE PLACE THE CHARGE? NO SHE DIDN'T. . . DID MY SON PLACE THE CHARGE? NOT AT ALL!!! The charge was placed by a concerned neighbor feeling the sudden need to protect my boy. I say--YEAH, RIGHT! ! ! But, in all essence, the state D.A. Office dropped the charge & my son was never removed from our home nor did I lose my job as a result. You see, Louisiana supports corporal punishment & our Courts let it be known. As long as my son didn’t sustain broken limbs, knocked-out teeth or deep puncture wounds, the whipping is LEGAL and constitute acceptable & proper discipline!!! Let me ask you this: What ever happened to old fashion discipline? Lord knows I didn't get whippings, I caught “whoopins“. I got tore up for anything I done wrong & it just didn't come from my parents. . . If anyone else saw me doing wrong, they would tear me up & bring me home & more than likely, I would get wore out once there as well!!! I guess that is why I felt so hurt being locked up in that jail (first time in my life) for doing something that I thought was right. All I did was give my 17 year old son an old fashion whipping. Now, had he got into any trouble at that rap concert or any where for that matter, society (at its finest) would have been more than pleased to incarcerate him within minutes (probably giving him a brutal beat down in the process)--hoping that he NEVER return to society. . . But when a strong black father like myself used disciplinary measures to keep my teenage son in line, I got locked up!!!!!! Following that whipping--to this date--my wife & I can’t ask for a better son. Of course, it is still quite early but so far--so good. No more thuggish way, sagging clothing, disrespect or disobedience. All of his responses to us or ANY adults for that matter is “yes sir/mamm, no sir/mamm”!!! Finally, I see my boy in clothing that actually “fit” & not falling off of his body or two sizes/too big. Even our Pastor & the congregation at our church commended us on what a “change” they see in our son. Comments on how well behaved, respectful, obedient, etc. rang throughout our Church & that made my wife & I feel overjoyed based on the fact that this is only a few weeks later!!! Honestly--I can almost say that I don’t foresee any more acting out on our son’s part due to an incident-in-the-making recently. . . Just this morning--I overheard his mother asking him to take out the garbage & he telling her to “chill out--he will do it when he gets to it”. Well, little did he know, I was still home & had not gone fishing & when he opened the door to our garage, he stared me in the face. I immediately told him to go out to the back yard & break me the longest green switch he could find & bring it back so I could give him a real behind cutting. (LOL)When he got back with the switch, he was trembling & crying his eyes out!!! Now, I knew that I wasn’t going to whip him with it but it was the thought of him knowing that I had overheard him back talking to his mother & because of that--he was going to catch a whipping for his wrongdoing. That is what made him breakdown & cry. So, I guess that in my household--”sparing the rod” too soon had spoiled the child. And that I will NEVER do again. But don’t get me wrong--I am not a firm believer that corporal punishment is the ONLY option when it comes to disciplining our son. . . The new age parenting methods do & has always worked for us upon him making simple mistakes, bad judgments or “avoidable” fighting. . . “Disrespect or disobedience” is not included in the new age parenting methods whatsoever within our household!!!. It’s just that our son knows what is right & what is wrong and he chose to take the wrong path--TWICE and I felt that a whipping was very well warranted under present circumstances. Even though corporal punishment remains our LAST RESORT for disciplining our son, when it is administered properly, can & will be effective in correcting him when deem necessary. But before I go, allow me to ask you this question: from one parent to another--had you been placed in the same situation--what would you have done? Would you have reacted the same way I did? Better yet--DO YOU FEEL WHAT I DID WAS WRONG?

Public Comments

1. if he had broke into your neighbors house how would she feel. because of what you have done by teaching right from wrong it has made a better place for all. keep up the good work.
2. sir i think that if you at your size need to use a belt you are wrong . you are teaching your son to be a man . what man needs to hit some one smaller with a belt what is wrong with you hand. when i was a teenager i was wild and my father took me over his knee with just his hand i realise i am a female and you have a son trust me i know how hard it can be to break a wild boy but still your hand would have been more then enough. but i do agree that some times you need to lay down the law and the last thing you want is him getting hurt but he needs to know you make the law not him.
3. Sounds like you are feeling guilty and trying to justify your actions. I think your son deserved to get his hide tanned... perhaps not with a belt. In my opinion, one should never approach their child in anger and you should use nothing but the flat of your hand. I think you should have told him he was going to get punished, then waited until you had cooled down... then turned him over your knee and spanked his butt. You're never too old for a spanking and the older you get, the more humiliating it is.... However, you do what you've gotta do. He did something without your permission and has no respect... but is it possible you overreacted? Sounds like you lost it.... what's to respect in that? Gives him more reason to rebel.
4. You know what? I commend you for taking action against his behavior.I to use corporal punishment with my children as a last option.I think a good whooping is needed in raising a child now and then.I was also spanked as a child. I am 27 years old now and never once have i been into any trouble.I have no problem in public or anywhere else popping one of my children if they do not behave.They are 6,4,and 3.I tell you what they are some of the most well behaved children around.It's rare i have to even spank them because they know if they screw up they have momma and daddy there to correct them and they know not to do it again.I very much so agree with what you did.Now that is parenting!!
5. you didn't do wrong...sometimes kids need that, however i think the belt might have been a bit much...but remember opinions are like a**holes, everybody has one : )
6. Last resort or otherwise, Violence is NEVER the answer. By teaching your son that hitting is ok, he will transfer this someday to his family. This means he could beat his wife. He could beat his children. In his mind, "disobedience" results in physical violence because that's what his dad taught him. Do you want your son to abuse his children? Do you want your son to think its right to hit his wife? At 17 years old, there are better ways to handle a child than to beat them. Shame on you. I wish you lived in a state that would help your son emancipate hismelf and move out; he deserves better than a father who thinks its ok to hit their child. You are NEVER justified in hitting a child.
7. Parenting is a very individual thing, isn't it? No, I wouldn't have done what you did with your son with any of my children, but I don't know your son. You do, and evidently your punishment works with him. I personally feel that 17 is a bit old for him to have been belted, but again, I don't know him, you do. What I definitely feel is that the state and the government should stay out of parental discipline issues altogether. I don't know your son, you don't know my three children, but we both know our own. The government knows nothing about any of them, and has no right to interfere unless they are subjected to serious physical or mental torture where they suffer broken limbs or worse. But that kind of physical abuse of one person by another is already against the law in our society, so we don't require special laws for the treatment of children in families. Growing up is inevitably hazardous for children, because if they're born into a family where the parents don't know what they're doing or don't care, the children can suffer terribly. But your son and my own children could, undoubtedly, tell stories of times when you or I were unfair, and perhaps their punishment was too harsh - in some cases, we might in retrospect agree with them! No parent is perfect, however well he knows his child, and we all make misjudgements. Those of us who try hard to be good parents and provide a happy home for our children still make mistakes in dealing with them, because we're human. And children do need rules and discipline, whether physical punishment or the withdrawal of privileges for a time, in order to grow up in a structure that provides them with values, order and discipline. Your son obviously still respects, loves and cares about you, despite what some might see as hard punishment, so don't beat yourself up about it. Hopefully, this is the last time you'll have to take the belt to him. He sounds as though he doesn't want to risk that again! wimsey
8. Those of you shaking your finger at this man should have the headaches and stress of raising teenagers these days. Even though you remember when you where a teenager -- the teenagers today are worse than you were 10 years ago. Sir to you I applaud you!!! It takes a strong Christian man to feel the remorse that you do and as a Christian man you know the struggles it takes today to be a man in today's world. Let alone a strong Black man in today's world. Their are so many gangs, violence, and weirdo's out there praying on our youth and it only takes one act of weakness to go the other direction in life. Stand proud and let him be aware of his consequences -- that's a problem with today's youth is that they feel like mom & dad will always bail them out no matter what and it takes a toll on us as parents. But we as parents today are straddled with gov't and society looking down on us for dicipline. CPS called over the littlest things and we are afraid of our own children. It's bull corn to say the least. So now you did a good thing. It makes him think that their is a conseqence to his actions all of them. BRAVO!!!
9. I think that most children of today are spoiled and don't respect their parents, not to say that there are not a few special children that did well with out the spanking but for the most part look around and see the children that have been allowed to be whom they want to be. God gave us a big responsibility and we need to be able to spank our children and they must fear us or they will fear their friends judgment, i prefer my children care more what i think then what their friends think, most kids friend will take our kids to the gutter. Just look at what kids to in spring break they become lose and lose their morals. As long as he didn't end up with black or blue marks i think what you did was okay. Make sure he knows that you are his best guide for him at this point and that his friends will not care if he ends up doing mistakes with them and that is why God put you in charge and not their friends.
10. If you think it was ok to beat your son why are you asking us!!!! When your son says yes sir, hes not calling you father your dad anymore. I don't think he like you anymore, I think he fears you. OS what should he do when he needs help. You scared him away. Sorry....hope you feel better about yourself!!!!
11. heck no, as you said the mother tried and that did not owrk, in fact it got WORSE. You stepped in and turned things around and got him back again. Good job.
12. It sounds like you truly love your son... otherwise you wouldn't even care enough to implement discipline... and your obvious concern or possible remorse is an indicator that you deeply love and care about your son... Kudos to a parenting job well done... your son will appreciate your efforts in the very near future... I am 26 years old. I very rarely (maybe 2 times in my whole life) was spanked. Between the ages of about 16 and about 22 or so, I went completely buck wild. Sex, drugs, alcohol, the whole nine yards... I sometimes wonder if I would have made better decisions if I had parents who put the fear of God in me. My parents are wonderful christian people, don't get me wrong, but I could have avoided a lot of anguished years had I been properly disciplined... I got away with too much, and I made some STUPID decisions... (no fault but my own ultimately, I do realize this)... I think what you did is commendable and there is nothing wrong with it. You know the difference between discipline and abuse.
13. Okay my brother. What you did was on point. I say tear that azz up. Whip that azz until he cry but explain to him in the process why you are doing it because if you don't, it could lead to a road of disaster my brother. Just this past weekend my son got out of line over the phone with me and I drove up to his college and tore that azz to pieces. I'll put it like this: I bet you he won't say "f*** you b****, I'm a man" to me again. I know my 18 year old son was probably showing off in front of his football teammates & smelled himself but it didn't take long for me to go to his dorm, cut that azz and get his mind right. Hell, I already know he's an adult but when it comes to disrespect, I ain't having it. I never disrespected him growing up and is not going to allow him to disrespect me. So, on the contrary to what some on here is saying, tear that azz up and he will thank you for it in the long run. Like you, I don't believe in whipping my boy as first option but if he shows me any form of intentional disrespect, His azz is cut & I am the lawnmower. So, hats off to you bruh. Keep up the good work.